Transforming Our Challenges Into Gifts

"To start a fire you need a spark - an ember, or a match, or the steady and stressful rubbing of one object over another. Once the fire is ignited, you need a different sort of heat to turn the flames of adversity into wisdom." ~ Elizabeth Lesser

(From Jennifer Grace's Monthly Book Recommendation, "Broken Open: How Difficult Times Can Help Us Grow")

During my journey into the self over the last seven years or so, I keep stumbling upon different spiritual teachings of how to turn my chaos and crisis into treasure and transformation. The skill of reframing, the tool of transmuting lead into gold, the technique of looking at a pile of crap, not as a pile of crap, but as a gift of manure to help my garden grow.

This takes work. Hard work. It's not always easy to experience a traumatic situation, conflict, or disappointment and say "Thank you, Universe...for this gift." This tool during times of challenge has been my saving grace, and has been the life raft that catches me just before I get pulled into the undertow of depression.

Byron Katie has a lovely line, "No one does anything to you, they do it for you." We can see this when we look back - perhaps months or years after we have been fired, or betrayed by a friend, or someone we love has broken our heart. We can look back from where we stand today and say, "Thank goodness that happened. If it had not, I wouldn't be in this amazing place, new job or new relationship, that I am in today." Now, instead of recognizing it months or years later, we can be comforted in the trust and knowledge that when the heartbreak or betrayal is happening, the universe is always conspiring with us, that everything happens for a reason, that this too shall pass, and we will be brought to better and greener pastures.

Recently I was betrayed, or at least that was how my ego took it. My rage bubbled up, reacting instead of responding. Jennifer Grace the transformational life coach and teacher promptly left the building. Brooklyn was in the house. I ranted at my betrayer, shouting, "How could you? How dare you? You no longer deserve my love or friendship!"

Yet, when the fire in my soul burnt out, only 24 hours later, I was stunned at my behavior. Although I think anger is necessary - a good emotion to work through - it's not one that should stay around for long. I noticed that what anger left in its wake, for me, was a vulnerable broken heart. Depression could have easily set in next, but with the teachings of Elizabeth Lesser and Byron Katie ringing in my head, I sat with, "What else is there for me? What treasure could I find inside my betrayed and broken heart?"

For a few days I sifted through the
rubble - and then the aha! - the insight,
the wisdom - came...this wasn't to be taken personally.This "personal attack" was not personal. This wasn't about me. This betrayal had nothing to do with me. This was about this other person's journey, their personal growth, their need to break free, their need to expand...and to fly away. As that realization sunk in and after taking myself out of the equation, I felt the angry feelings wash away from me, and felt a deep inner peace flood my entire being. I knew this wasn't being done to me it was being done for me. I had to blindly trust that the truth of why this was happening would be revealed in time.

Another insight that came during this painful time was to understand what it felt like to be engulfed in anger, in unbearable pain, in loneliness and sadness. Something many of my students feel from time to time. For me to have direct experience with these emotions swelled my heart with compassion for them all. My journey as a leader and as a teacher was to find ways to authentically move though this with grace and speed, honoring all that I felt but finding ways to reframe the situation and turn my "crap" into something beautiful for the garden of my soul to grow.

There is an amazing story about two souls who are up in the heavens together, about to be born again onto Earth. They are just about to go back down, and one friend grabs the other's arm and says: "When we are down there, and I do what I am going to do to you, and I betray you, don't forget you asked me to."

Our greatest teachers are the ones who bring us to our knees, and break us open. They have come into our lives intentionally. For we cannot transform, we cannot reach our highest potential when everything is going perfectly. It is when we are broken open that the light is allowed to come in. It is when we are broken open that we taught the important life lessons we need to learn in order to truly transform. It is when we are broken open that we remember who we really are.

This Week's "Be With:"

Don't Take Things Personally

When we pull ourselves out of the equation and accept things just as they are, life as it is, we don't need to feel personally attacked by people, life, events and situations. If we can stand in the wisdom that this is being done for us - not to us, we can detach from the situation, learn from it, and grow.

This week, take inventory in your journal and investigate if you are still holding onto anger regarding a situation. See if you can drop the story that this is all about you, and replace it with a gentleness and acceptance of what is. Let go of your judgment, let go of feeling personally attacked, and realize there is a grand plan, and that the universe is always conspiring with you. Know that one day it will become clear that your "betrayer" did you a really big favor, and is your greatest teacher, and has given you one of your life's most precious gifts.

For More Information about Jennifer Grace visit: www.jennifergrace.com