Graceisms.

Fearlessness:
It’s not something you can buy at Target


Amidst the current chaos of the world, we are all pretty much scared out of our minds. We stand like a herd of deer in the headlights, collectively chanting, “Nobody moves, nobody gets hurt.” Our blood courses with fear each time the news reports on our failing economy and recession, or how our precious earth is not only being destroyed by global warming but also by us, and the endless amount of suffering so many people experience do to war, violence, and crime. The “American Dream” has apparently come to a screeching halt, and we are all dumbstruck about to how to proceed.

President Obama, has become a beacon of hope for many of us, but is hope what we really need to overcome fear? To become fearless? Hope gives us something to hold onto. When we lose or fail it gives us motivation to brush ourselves off and try to succeed again. Hope gives us ground to stand and the courage to say, “Soon. It will get better soon.” Yet to cultivate true fearlessness, to learn how to walk though the fire and not run and hide from it, requires giving up hope. Sounds scary, huh? I know…but stay with me.

For the last year I have been avidly studying the Shambhala lineage of Buddhism and also co-authoring a book with my mentor and friend, Dr. Jessica Gurvit entitled: "The Art of Being Fearless." In my quest for uncovering what lies underneath all sources of fear I have discovered, through these teachings, that the common denominator, is uncertainty. We are all afraid of what we don’t know, and of what is out of our control. We fear the big black hole called the future. We lay awake at night with anxiety in our hearts and lumps in our throats as the endless questions with out answers spin around in our minds: Will I loose my job? Will my lover leave me for another? Will this world end up being destroyed by terrorism? Will my child get into a drunk driving accident? Is someone out to get/hurt me? Will I die before I have gotten the opportunity to live my dream?

Many times we walk around free of fear. Times when the money is rolling in, when our careers are at an all time high, when we are madly in love, or when our children are thriving and succeeding in life. We’ve clicked into a groove with the universe and everything is dancing to the very song we are conducting. We feel fearless, invincible, in control, and certain. But then something not so good occurs, and knocks the wind out of us. Castles we built begin to crumble; rugs get pulled out from under us. It feels like we are being tested. It’s certainly part of life and can be very frightening.

So what do we do when our certainty has been dismantled? We can keep busy is a myriad of creative ways; we work until the wee hours of the night- jumping each time our blackberries “ding”; call friends; go to the movies, drink wine or partake in other substances; do anything and everything possible to forget how paralyzed with fear we are.

Or we can deal with it; stay right in the present moment with the not so good thing that has happened to us. It is impossible to worry about the future or regret past actions, which have possibly brought us to this place of fear, when we are genuinely focused on the present moment. It’s a gift. That’s why it’s called the present.

People who have learned the art of fearlessness, of staying with the present moment, are not attached to the outcome of any situation. They trade in certainty for curiosity. They become scientists of their fear, asking themselves questions like: How does my fear make me feel physically? Where in my body is it located? Exactly what am I so afraid of? They’re willing to acknowledge that security is an illusion and so is being in control. They live with the freedom of never needing to be right; they just simply take right action. They live in the present moment with their fear, knowing that fearlessness is not the absence of fear, but it is to courageously wait it out. Rather than run, or hide, or distract, they sit in the center of their storm until it passes. The only thing for certain is that it will pass, as it always does. The famous American Nun Pema Choden, Author of, “When Things Fall Apart”, talks about its benefit perfectly, “A further sign of health is that we don't become undone by fear, but we take it as a message that it's time to stop struggling and look directly at what's threatening us.”

I have experienced fear many times in my own personal life, and I try to no longer turn away from it. Instead, I do my best to stay. I’ve learned great lessons from my friend named fear and I invite you to shake its hand the next time it catches you off guard. It’s an incredible experience to breathe in its essence, to know that it has come to awaken you to something not yet understood. Our lives will never be free of fear; it’s part of being human. The trick is to somehow change the relationship we with have with it, so it no longer has a hold on us. If we can become more comfortable with our fear, we could all breathe a little easier, and learn to simply be with the moment we have found ourselves in.


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