Transforming Our Challenges Into Gifts

"To start a fire you need a spark - an ember, or a match, or the steady and stressful rubbing of one object over another. Once the fire is ignited, you need a different sort of heat to turn the flames of adversity into wisdom." ~ Elizabeth Lesser

(From Jennifer Grace's Monthly Book Recommendation, "Broken Open: How Difficult Times Can Help Us Grow")

During my journey into the self over the last seven years or so, I keep stumbling upon different spiritual teachings of how to turn my chaos and crisis into treasure and transformation. The skill of reframing, the tool of transmuting lead into gold, the technique of looking at a pile of crap, not as a pile of crap, but as a gift of manure to help my garden grow.

This takes work. Hard work. It's not always easy to experience a traumatic situation, conflict, or disappointment and say "Thank you, Universe...for this gift." This tool during times of challenge has been my saving grace, and has been the life raft that catches me just before I get pulled into the undertow of depression.

Byron Katie has a lovely line, "No one does anything to you, they do it for you." We can see this when we look back - perhaps months or years after we have been fired, or betrayed by a friend, or someone we love has broken our heart. We can look back from where we stand today and say, "Thank goodness that happened. If it had not, I wouldn't be in this amazing place, new job or new relationship, that I am in today." Now, instead of recognizing it months or years later, we can be comforted in the trust and knowledge that when the heartbreak or betrayal is happening, the universe is always conspiring with us, that everything happens for a reason, that this too shall pass, and we will be brought to better and greener pastures.

Recently I was betrayed, or at least that was how my ego took it. My rage bubbled up, reacting instead of responding. Jennifer Grace the transformational life coach and teacher promptly left the building. Brooklyn was in the house. I ranted at my betrayer, shouting, "How could you? How dare you? You no longer deserve my love or friendship!"

Yet, when the fire in my soul burnt out, only 24 hours later, I was stunned at my behavior. Although I think anger is necessary - a good emotion to work through - it's not one that should stay around for long. I noticed that what anger left in its wake, for me, was a vulnerable broken heart. Depression could have easily set in next, but with the teachings of Elizabeth Lesser and Byron Katie ringing in my head, I sat with, "What else is there for me? What treasure could I find inside my betrayed and broken heart?"

For a few days I sifted through the
rubble - and then the aha! - the insight,
the wisdom - came...this wasn't to be taken personally.This "personal attack" was not personal. This wasn't about me. This betrayal had nothing to do with me. This was about this other person's journey, their personal growth, their need to break free, their need to expand...and to fly away. As that realization sunk in and after taking myself out of the equation, I felt the angry feelings wash away from me, and felt a deep inner peace flood my entire being. I knew this wasn't being done to me it was being done for me. I had to blindly trust that the truth of why this was happening would be revealed in time.

Another insight that came during this painful time was to understand what it felt like to be engulfed in anger, in unbearable pain, in loneliness and sadness. Something many of my students feel from time to time. For me to have direct experience with these emotions swelled my heart with compassion for them all. My journey as a leader and as a teacher was to find ways to authentically move though this with grace and speed, honoring all that I felt but finding ways to reframe the situation and turn my "crap" into something beautiful for the garden of my soul to grow.

There is an amazing story about two souls who are up in the heavens together, about to be born again onto Earth. They are just about to go back down, and one friend grabs the other's arm and says: "When we are down there, and I do what I am going to do to you, and I betray you, don't forget you asked me to."

Our greatest teachers are the ones who bring us to our knees, and break us open. They have come into our lives intentionally. For we cannot transform, we cannot reach our highest potential when everything is going perfectly. It is when we are broken open that the light is allowed to come in. It is when we are broken open that we taught the important life lessons we need to learn in order to truly transform. It is when we are broken open that we remember who we really are.

This Week's "Be With:"

Don't Take Things Personally

When we pull ourselves out of the equation and accept things just as they are, life as it is, we don't need to feel personally attacked by people, life, events and situations. If we can stand in the wisdom that this is being done for us - not to us, we can detach from the situation, learn from it, and grow.

This week, take inventory in your journal and investigate if you are still holding onto anger regarding a situation. See if you can drop the story that this is all about you, and replace it with a gentleness and acceptance of what is. Let go of your judgment, let go of feeling personally attacked, and realize there is a grand plan, and that the universe is always conspiring with you. Know that one day it will become clear that your "betrayer" did you a really big favor, and is your greatest teacher, and has given you one of your life's most precious gifts.

For More Information about Jennifer Grace visit: www.jennifergrace.com

Becoming Comfortable With Being Uncomfortable

"Realization happens only in the present moment. To be here fully, we must be willing to let go of the past and meet the future with open arms. That often means letting the doors that brought us here close behind us. Surrendering our past without knowing what the future will bring requires trust in ourselves, in others and in the nature of reality. When we can be fully present and aware in the midst of that apparent uncertainty, we are clearly guided to take the next step in our lives. In truth, it is a step-by-step journey. We may have a sense of where we are going, but we don't know exactly how or when we are going to get there. At each juncture in our experience, the next step is revealed to us. That is the way Grace unfolds."~ Paul Ferrini

(From Jennifer Grace's Monthly Book Recommendation, "Grace Unfolding: The Art of Living a Surrendered Life")

The only thing we ever can be certain of is the uncertainty of life. Nothing ever stays the same; our worlds are always in a constant flux and change. Sometimes there are more pronounced periods like these, when we experience the sharpness of the unknown. Perhaps if we have just begun or ended a romantic relationship, or new job, or are on the edge of stepping out of our comfort zone and into the unknown.

During these times, when we feel so unbelievably uncomfortable, is when we can cultivate mastering the art of letting go, the art of surrendering to what is. When we can stay with what is right in front of us and surrender to the unknown, we learn it doesn't matter what happens in the future because our lens is not focused on it - it is only focused on what is right in front of us. If we can find ways to become comfortable with being uncomfortable, we can move though these times with more freedom, power, and grace.

Meditation for many people can be very uncomfortable. Even for those of us who have a daily practice, we get uncomfortable too. We want to itch, scratch, and run from our stillness. We want to do something. Yet the timer has not gone off, so we sit there, uncomfortable, waiting for things to be different. If we can pass thorough those moments when we want to run, we can get to the other side of being uncomfortable, we can find peace in staying with what is.

Meditation is the best playing ground for cultivating surrender and for becoming comfortable with being uncomfortable. It translates off of the cushion and into our lives each day when in our lives we want to run, or know what the outcome will be. It helps us gently just be in the moment with out having to do anything. It trains us to be spiritual warriors who can walk powerfully though life on the thin line of uncertainty. It assists us in surrendering to complete trust that at all times the universe is conspiring with us.

This Week's "Be With":

Be Uncomfortable

When you're feeling uncomfortable, don't run or create distractions from it as you might do ordinarily. Let moments of uncomfortable silence stretch out between you and a loved one with out trying to fill them with unnecessary chatter. Try on trusting in the unknown, and feeling more okay with not knowing exactly how things will work out, but knowing that they always do.

Create some quiet time to sit in meditation for 10 minutes a day this week. Just be with it without trying to figure out if you are doing it wrong or right. Just sit in a chair or on a cushion with your eyes closed (set a timer so you do not need to keep checking) and just sit with yourself. When you want to get up and run...don't. Just notice how you feel, and see if you can pass though it. Let your thoughts come and go, keep following your breath in and out...just becoming comfortable with being uncomfortable.

For more Information about Jennifer Grace visit: www.jennifergrace.com

The Call of Your Soul

"What will you do with this one wild and precious life?"
- Mary Oliver

Knock Knock.
Who's there?
Your Life.
Your Life who?
Your life you keep
forgetting to live!

How many times have we heard the "knock" and just kept ignoring it? First it comes almost as a quiet tapping on the door, a little "you hoo...anyone home?" It's faint, it's gentle, and it can easily be drowned out by the distractions of our lives. We hear it, but we just keep on going - living our lie - because deep down we are simply scared out of our minds to open the darn door.

Then it gets louder, and we have to turn the music of our distractions up - way up - so we don't hear it, and that works for a little while longer. But alas, it wants to be heard, and that's when all heck breaks loose, and we get hit over the head with the kitchen frying pan. That frying pan that smacks us awake can come in many forms: cancer, car accidents, heartbreaks, losses. The Universe sees that we are not listening so it decides to shake us up a bit, and finally we pay attention. Well, at least some of us do. That knock on the door is our soul telling us that we are in the wrong job, wrong relationship, wrong city, that we are not being good to our bodies, that we are not honoring our creative passion, that we are not living a life of purpose and joy. That knock is the knock of our soul, trying to get us to understand that we are not in alignment with whom we truly are and that it is time to face the music and start living our truth.

Sometimes we know our soul is knocking but we don't have clarity of the mind to know how to answer its calling. We don't understand what it is asking us to do. When those times have happened in my life I have turned to my journal for the answers. My journal has been the place that has helped me time and time again to unearth the truth of what I really want, and what I really need.

This Week's "Be With"
Ask yourself: Is there a knock on my door of life that is going unanswered?

Try journaling for 5 timed minutes every morning this week in a stream of consciousness (meaning don't stop writing for 5 minutes) using the seven prompts below. You can write one a day at the top of your journal page and respond to:

1. What do I really want?
2. What am I afraid of?
3. The things I need to accept are...
and, the things I need to change are...
4. What do I need?
5. Who am I?
6. What are my greatest gifts and talents?
7. If I could pause my life for one year and come
back to it exactly as I left it, what would I do
with that year?

For more information on Jennifer Grace please visit: www.jennifergrace.com

The Balancing Act

To be truly successful is to not only have ONE area of your life that is working...it’s about setting goals in to have ALL areas in your life in working. While you may have a thriving career… your health and personal life may be suffering. It’s mastering the art of balance that makes it all worth it! The Wheel of Life test is taken to see where you are in and out of balance. Begin by drawing a circle and the divide it like a pizza pie to fit the ten areas in your life inside of it. Then rate each area from 1-10 (10 being the best) on how well that area of your life is working. If everything is at an 8 or better your wheel of life will roll along beautifully. If there are areas that are below an 8 action needs to be taken.

WHEEL OF LIFE (1-10)
1. Health
2. Career
3. Financial
4. Family
5. Community
6. Adventure
7. Spiritual
8. Romance
9. Fun
10.Relationships

Set 3 goals in each area that below an 8. For example if your Romance is at a 3, set goals to create more passion and fun with your significant other, like a monthly special date night. If Health is at a 4, set goals like committing to work out 3x a week, changing your diet, and kicking a bad eating habit. Make 3x5 cards of these goals and read them aloud each day so that they stay fresh in your mind!

Please visit www.jennifergrace.com to learn more about Jennifer Grace.

Fearlessness:
It’s not something you can buy at Target


Amidst the current chaos of the world, we are all pretty much scared out of our minds. We stand like a herd of deer in the headlights, collectively chanting, “Nobody moves, nobody gets hurt.” Our blood courses with fear each time the news reports on our failing economy and recession, or how our precious earth is not only being destroyed by global warming but also by us, and the endless amount of suffering so many people experience do to war, violence, and crime. The “American Dream” has apparently come to a screeching halt, and we are all dumbstruck about to how to proceed.

President Obama, has become a beacon of hope for many of us, but is hope what we really need to overcome fear? To become fearless? Hope gives us something to hold onto. When we lose or fail it gives us motivation to brush ourselves off and try to succeed again. Hope gives us ground to stand and the courage to say, “Soon. It will get better soon.” Yet to cultivate true fearlessness, to learn how to walk though the fire and not run and hide from it, requires giving up hope. Sounds scary, huh? I know…but stay with me.

For the last year I have been avidly studying the Shambhala lineage of Buddhism and also co-authoring a book with my mentor and friend, Dr. Jessica Gurvit entitled: "The Art of Being Fearless." In my quest for uncovering what lies underneath all sources of fear I have discovered, through these teachings, that the common denominator, is uncertainty. We are all afraid of what we don’t know, and of what is out of our control. We fear the big black hole called the future. We lay awake at night with anxiety in our hearts and lumps in our throats as the endless questions with out answers spin around in our minds: Will I loose my job? Will my lover leave me for another? Will this world end up being destroyed by terrorism? Will my child get into a drunk driving accident? Is someone out to get/hurt me? Will I die before I have gotten the opportunity to live my dream?

Many times we walk around free of fear. Times when the money is rolling in, when our careers are at an all time high, when we are madly in love, or when our children are thriving and succeeding in life. We’ve clicked into a groove with the universe and everything is dancing to the very song we are conducting. We feel fearless, invincible, in control, and certain. But then something not so good occurs, and knocks the wind out of us. Castles we built begin to crumble; rugs get pulled out from under us. It feels like we are being tested. It’s certainly part of life and can be very frightening.

So what do we do when our certainty has been dismantled? We can keep busy is a myriad of creative ways; we work until the wee hours of the night- jumping each time our blackberries “ding”; call friends; go to the movies, drink wine or partake in other substances; do anything and everything possible to forget how paralyzed with fear we are.

Or we can deal with it; stay right in the present moment with the not so good thing that has happened to us. It is impossible to worry about the future or regret past actions, which have possibly brought us to this place of fear, when we are genuinely focused on the present moment. It’s a gift. That’s why it’s called the present.

People who have learned the art of fearlessness, of staying with the present moment, are not attached to the outcome of any situation. They trade in certainty for curiosity. They become scientists of their fear, asking themselves questions like: How does my fear make me feel physically? Where in my body is it located? Exactly what am I so afraid of? They’re willing to acknowledge that security is an illusion and so is being in control. They live with the freedom of never needing to be right; they just simply take right action. They live in the present moment with their fear, knowing that fearlessness is not the absence of fear, but it is to courageously wait it out. Rather than run, or hide, or distract, they sit in the center of their storm until it passes. The only thing for certain is that it will pass, as it always does. The famous American Nun Pema Choden, Author of, “When Things Fall Apart”, talks about its benefit perfectly, “A further sign of health is that we don't become undone by fear, but we take it as a message that it's time to stop struggling and look directly at what's threatening us.”

I have experienced fear many times in my own personal life, and I try to no longer turn away from it. Instead, I do my best to stay. I’ve learned great lessons from my friend named fear and I invite you to shake its hand the next time it catches you off guard. It’s an incredible experience to breathe in its essence, to know that it has come to awaken you to something not yet understood. Our lives will never be free of fear; it’s part of being human. The trick is to somehow change the relationship we with have with it, so it no longer has a hold on us. If we can become more comfortable with our fear, we could all breathe a little easier, and learn to simply be with the moment we have found ourselves in.


Please visit www.jennifergrace.com for more about Jennifer Grace.

Mind Marketing™:
Blending modern day strategic marketing with the science of Quantum Physics

One of the most important components for a business to be successful is marketing, the marketing of yourself and of your services. I’ve seen individuals who do anything and everything to get themselves and their businesses seen and heard. Often they are driving and striving to get themselves out there in a way that becomes physically exhausting.

By working with an extraordinary teacher named Cristan Hummel (www.earthtransitions.com) I’ve found a way to turn that “driving and striving” into more “action with ease” by using the idea of setting an intention and manifesting it, based on the science of Quantum Physics. It is the impetus of the book I am writing. The working title is “Dancing in the Unknown: The Art of Having No Expectations.”

In Quantum Physics there is a principal called The Zero Point Field. This field is a giant quantum information field, and it is a vast field of information and light. The Zero Point Field is conceptually similar to “The Force” in Star Wars. It is the Field that holds everything, and the secret to tapping into this unlimited quantum field of possibilities… is to let go and allow. It’s that simple.

When we hold on to things, and are attached to outcomes, relationships, and events, we do not let the universe do its job. Our job is to set intentions by firing off powerful thoughts, to be in action in order to continue to propel ourselves forward, and then let go of any expectations we have about how its all going to turn out. This is what I refer to as, “Dancing in the Unknown.” Joyfully trusting that your hard work and good intentions will lead you to exactly where you need to be.

So how can you be in action and let go at the same time? It seems like an oxymoron. To truly soar and reach your highest potential you must put forth effort but simultaneously let go of rigid expectations and make room for something called Grace to show up. Grace is the synchronistic moment when you are suddenly in the right place at the right time and everything falls into place. But before those moments arrive, you have to have done your work and prepared yourself so that you are able to receive the gift of Grace.

As I began to use this concept of Effort meeting Grace for my own business, I watched my client base triple without increasing any extra efforting on my part. Instead of me going to numerous networking events to meet potential clients I began meeting them in the strangest of places, when I least expected it. One day I signed up three new clients standing in line at Starbucks wearing yoga workout clothes. It was in that moment I came up with the phrase, “Mind Marketing”.

I now coach my own clients to Mind Market themselves. I tell them, “You know you are doing it when you are no longer in fear, and in driving and striving mode, and instead you are in a flow of ease and enjoyment.” It’s when we can make one phone call instead of ten to get something done. It’s when we are open to the unexpected of how something will turn out, and we are no longer micro managing how we think our lives should look. The key is to simply do our work and let go of any attachments of the outcome. I remind them to do what they love, love what they do, and success will follow. When we are living on purpose, putting forth the appropriate amount of effort, and allowing room for grace to show up, the universe always knows how to perfectly reward us.

“When we walk to the edge of all the light we have
And take that first step into the darkness of the unknown,
We must believe that one of two things will happen:
There will be something solid for us to stand on,
Or we will be taught to fly!”
-Anonymous

Please visit www.jennifergrace.com for more about Jennifer Grace.